Now You See Me (But Please Don’t)
There’s a strange tension I’ve lived with most of my life, and it’s one I know many others feel too. It’s the paradox of desperately wanting to be seen and heard (this is a perfectly normal ‘human’ thing that we ALL crave), while also feeling an almost primal need to hide, withdraw, and not be perceived at all. Add in something like Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), and you’ve got a cocktail of internal chaos that makes showing up consistently (online, at work, even socially) at times feel impossible.
So, how do you run a business or grow a platform when you’re stuck in this emotional tug-of-war? Let’s walk through it.
The Paradox of Being Perceived
Many creatives and neurodivergent folks experience this duality: we crave connection, but the spotlight feels like a trap. Invisibility is painful. But visibility? Exposing. Vulnerable. Risky. As explored in Zevul’s blog, The Paradox of Being Perceived , this isn’t just introversion or shyness. It’s a deeper, more existential dissonance that often stems from years of masking, rejection, or invalidation.
You want your work (or your thoughts, ideas, existence even) to be seen. You want your voice to matter. But the moment you hit publish, share a post, or step into the frame, that little voice whispers: “What if they misunderstand you? What if they laugh (at you, not with you)? What if you fail?”
That voice is trying to protect you. But sometimes, it’s also trapping you.
Enter: Pathological Demand Avoidance
Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA, is a profile often associated with autism. It’s marked by an intense resistance to everyday demands, including self-imposed ones. Thrive Autism Coaching breaks it down clearly in their article Pathological Demand Avoidance in Adults: How to Help Them Get Unstuck . PDA isn’t about laziness or defiance—it’s a nervous system-level response to feeling trapped or controlled.
This means that even when you want to show up (on social media, for your business, for your art) you might find yourself avoiding it at all costs. You scroll instead of posting. You overthink instead of emailing. You ghost your own audience.
It’s not sabotage. It’s this weird internal false perception of survival.
Why This Matters for Entrepreneurs and Creatives
If you’re building something, especially something that requires visibility like a personal brand, small business, or art practice, this paradox can derail your momentum.
You might:
Procrastinate on launching your offers (hello!)
Avoid marketing or visibility tasks (hi!)
Feel resentful of the pressure to “show up” (me)
Oscillate between oversharing and disappearing entirely (mmm hmm)
And yet, deep down, you still want to connect.
This isn’t a failure of willpower. It’s a mismatch between your needs and the system you’re trying to function within.
How to Work With It (Not Against It)
Here’s how you can start working with the paradox. Not to fix it, but to move more fluidly through it:
Name It - Recognize when you’re experiencing the push-pull of being seen vs. hiding. Labeling the pattern gives you power over it.
Create Safe Containers for Visibility - Post first in a small community. Share vulnerable stories in a close-knit circle before taking them public. Let visibility feel like a choice, not a performance.
Use PDA-Friendly Routines -According to Pathological Demand Avoidance & Entrepreneurship: Learning How to Cope from Sunrise VA Services, those with PDA thrive when they have autonomy. Can I get an amen? So, structure your visibility tasks with flexibility: pre-schedule posts (Buffer is my BFF), batch record content on days you feel more regulated (seriously, I write 3-4 blogs & articles on my best days), or build systems that feel playful rather than pressuring.
Build Recovery In - Visibility hangovers are real. After publishing or showing up big, give yourself time to recover without guilt. That’s not slacking, it’s strategic resilience.
Practice Self-Compassion - You’re not weird for struggling with something that seems easy for others. Ok, maybe you are weird, but we can be weird buddies. Your nervous system is protecting you. Acknowledge it, honor it, and work with it instead of against it.
Where We Go From Here
This paradox isn’t going away. But neither is your desire to connect, create, and contribute.
If you’re a neurodivergent entrepreneur, creator, or community builder, this internal conflict is something to navigate with curiosity, not shame. We can design lives and businesses that hold space for both parts: the part that wants to hide, and the part that’s dying to be heard.
In my own work, I’ve started integrating these insights into how I coach others, how I create content, and how I structure my days. I’m building a business that makes room for demand avoidance, visibility fear, and all the messy, human contradictions I carry.
Because I believe that’s where the magic lives, in the middle of the paradox.
Want to go deeper?
This topic will be explored more in an upcoming podcast episode, "Seen, Heard, and Hiding: The PDA Visibility Trap," where I’ll break down real-life examples, share stories, and talk about what it means to build a life around this complexity. It’s still a few weeks out, so stay tuned!
In the meantime, I would love to hear from you. Interested in being on the Podcast? Want to be a Featured AuRTist?
Follow along on Instagram, TikTok, and LinkedIn for visuals and bite-sized insights from this piece. And if this resonated, share it with someone else who lives in the paradox too.
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About the Author
Gal is an autistic artist, late-diagnosed at 49, and the creator of AuRTistic Expressions—a space where neurodivergent truth meets creative survival. Through blog posts, printables, courses, and the “This Might Get Messy” podcast, Gal explores what it means to unmask safely, communicate authentically, and make art that doesn’t ask for permission. Stick around—there’s plenty more where this came from.
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Cover Photo by Jasmeen Hemmings on Unsplash
