The Full Story

How it all began

In my earliest years (0-10), I was a naturally chatty and inquisitive child, full of energy and questions about the world. But beneath my loud and sometimes obnoxious exterior was a child experiencing profound challenges. Growing up in an emotionally absent family where everything remained surface-level, I faced experiences no child should endure, including sexual abuse and relentless bullying about my weight. These early wounds shaped my understanding of the world, but they did not define the person I would become.

My adolescence and teens (11-20) were marked by confusion and misguided attempts to find connection. Having learned through trauma that my value was tied to being used for others' pleasure, I became highly sexualized at an early age. I struggled to understand genuine friendship, making me vulnerable to manipulation. Drugs became both an escape and a misguided path to acceptance. At 19, seeking escape from my home life, I entered a brief marriage that ended after 11 months due to emotional abuse and infidelity. Instead of freedom, I found myself back where I started, but with deeper wounds.

My twenties brought both continued struggles and the first sparks of change. While maintaining a corporate job and performing well, I couldn't separate my personal and professional behaviors, limiting my career growth despite my capabilities. In a pivotal moment of courage, I moved across the country to start fresh. However, patterns repeated as I entered a relationship with the future father of my children—a relationship marked by physical and emotional abuse. During this period, I was incorrectly diagnosed as bipolar, resulting in a medication-induced fog that created a lost year of my life. Throughout these challenges, I tried to protect my children from the harshness of the world, though I now recognize I wasn't able to be the mother they deserved as I battled my own demons.

In my thirties, seeds of transformation began to take root. I summoned the courage to pursue higher education and end my 15-year marriage. Though I continued to struggle with relationship patterns and boundaries, my career flourished as I advanced within my company. The professional success provided a foundation of confidence, even as I continued learning the unwritten rules of workplace behavior that seemed intuitive to others but remained mysterious to me.

My forties marked a turning point when things truly began to improve. I embraced independence—leaving an unfulfilling relationship, purchasing my own home, and advancing my career. Though I experienced unexpected setbacks, including being fired for trying to help a colleague and later finding myself in a toxic workplace where bullying was practically sanctioned, these challenges led to profound self-discovery. At 49, I received life-changing news: I am autistic. This diagnosis wasn't a limitation but an illumination—finally explaining why I experienced the world differently and providing the missing piece to understand my life story.

Growing in…

Today, the driving force behind everything I do—this website, helping others, my personal growth—centers on one profound purpose: my children. My journey of self-discovery has opened a path to making amends in whatever way possible. I want to show my children, finally, that they are worthy and capable of living compassionate, successful, and beautiful lives. Through my actions and words, I acknowledge where I went wrong and remain open to working with them through their trauma, whether caused by me or someone else. Every step I take forward is guided by the belief in their abilities and the hope that my story might help heal our shared wounds. The insights gained through my diagnosis and life experiences now serve a greater purpose—rebuilding connections with those who matter most and creating a legacy of healing that extends beyond my own journey.