Unmasking Isn’t Always Safe (Here’s What I Try Instead)

We talk a lot about unmasking in the neurodivergent space, and I get it. After a lifetime of hiding who we are to survive in schools, workplaces, and families that wouldn’t/couldn’t allow us to come as we are, it’s empowering to finally be seen.

But here’s something that doesn’t get said enough:

Unmasking isn’t always safe.

Sometimes it’s not even possible.

What Is Masking?

Masking is when we suppress our natural behaviors—like stimming, avoiding eye contact, using scripts, or defaulting to people-pleasing—to blend in or avoid judgment.

It’s exhausting. And long-term? It leads to burnout, shutdowns, and identity confusion.

So yes, unmasking is a big deal. But so is staying safe, and for many of us, especially multiply marginalized folks, that has to come first.

What I Try Instead

Here are five ways I’ve learned to “quietly” unmask without putting myself at risk:

1. I Pick One Person - Bud is my person, bless his heart.

Unmasking doesn’t have to be public. Sometimes it looks like letting your stim out in front of one safe friend. Or saying, “I’m not okay” to just one person who gets it. Honestly, I don’t know if Bud gets it or not, but he never makes me feel bad about it. He just lets me be weird, wonderful me. That’s safety.

2. I Script Self-Advocacy

Instead of raw vulnerability, I use pre-written phrases like:

• “I need a little more processing time.”

• “I’m not sure I have words for that right now.” - I use this one A LOT. As I’ve mentioned before, words are difficult for me.

• “Can we discuss this later?”

These help me show up just as I am without flooding my nervous system.

3. I Redefine Professionalism

I stopped trying to act like a LinkedIn robot. I let my tone, color, and humor come through in my writing and client work because that is professionalism, too.

4. I Use Art Instead of Speech

When I can’t unmask verbally, I draw it. Doodle it. Make a visual journal. That is communication. That is expression. And it IS valid!

(Psst—this is also why I created the Draw It Out Worksheet. It’s a way to decompress and express without words.)

5. I Mask Strategically, Not Automatically

Sometimes I still mask, because it’s safer. But now, it’s a choice, not a reflex. That difference matters. It gives me back some power.

Unmasking ≠ Oversharing

You don’t owe your raw self to everyone.
You don’t need to go full vulnerability mode in unsafe spaces.
You can still be YOU and have boundaries.

Want Support?

Download my free worksheet to help you decompress and express safely
Read more on burnout and sensory regulation
Explore my coaching and community tools for ND adults who are tired of pretending

Look…

Unmasking is important. But so is pacing. So is safety. So is not emotionally hemorrhaging in environments that don’t deserve ALL of you.

You’re allowed to be real in layers.
You’re allowed to survive first and unmask second.
You’re allowed to do it your way.

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About the Author
Gal is an autistic artist, late-diagnosed at 49, and the creator of AuRTistic Expressions—a space where neurodivergent truth meets creative survival. Through blog posts, printables, courses, and the “This Might Get Messy” podcast, Gal explores what it means to unmask safely, communicate authentically, and make art that doesn’t ask for permission. Stick around—there’s plenty more where this came from.

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Cover Photo by Felipe Castilla on Unsplash