Meltdowns Aren’t Drama - They’re Data
I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve melted down in my lifetime. Not exploded, but melted. Not a tantrum. Not attention-seeking. Not “overreacting.”
Just… collapsing under the weight of too many expectations and zero capacity.
And every time, someone would look at me, wide-eyed, uncomfortable, sometimes annoyed, and ask, “What’s wrong with you?”
Except Bud. He just hugs me.
Sometimes, especially as I’ve gotten older, the meltdowns were internal because I donn’t even have the capacity to express them. It’s just drifting off into a daze while feeling like my insides were about to claw their way out of me, and then finally collapsing into a ball of nothingness. Sleep that isn’t sleep, just an unconscious version of an external meltdown. Just me?
It took me a LONG time to figure out: there was never something wrong with me. Something was happening to me.
And what looked like a meltdown on the outside was really just data I didn’t yet have the tools to interpret.
Meltdowns ≠ Tantrums
Let’s get one thing straight — meltdowns aren’t behavior problems.
They’re neurological events. Full-system shutdowns. It’s a pressure release from a body and brain that have absorbed too much without a safe way to let it out.
And for neurodivergent folks (especially autistic, ADHD, and trauma-impacted brains), meltdowns are less about mood and more about math:
Too much input – too little processing time = crash.
It’s literally just a capacity issue.
Scheduled Meltdowns Are Kind of Genius
That’s why I made a shirt that says “I Scheduled This Meltdown Weeks Ago.”
Because sometimes, it does feel that predictable.
We push through the week. We mask through the meeting. We smile through the migraine. And then one day, usually after someone sends a passive-aggressive email or we run out of the “good” pens, we break. *Pro-tip: don’t mess with my good pens. Also, I only have good pens.
But that break?
It’s not a surprise.
The bill is due for surviving things that were designed for “normal” people.
Meltdowns Are Messages
Until I was 49 years old, I had no idea that meltdowns are communication.
They’re the body’s way of saying:
I’ve hit my limit.
I can’t hold all this anymore.
Something needs to change.
If we stop viewing meltdowns as “bad behavior” and start seeing them as emotional data, we can:
Track patterns (I heart patterns. Do you heart patterns, too?)
Adjust expectations
Build systems (personally and collectively) that actually prevent burnout instead of punishing collapse
Practical Advice That’s Helped Me
I have a whole step in my coaching program that covers this very thing. Here are some tips if you’re stuck in the burnout → meltdown → shame loop:
Start logging your capacity, not just your time.
Track when you feel overloaded, not just what you did that day. Look for patterns in what drains vs. what restores you.
Use a “meltdown scale” — from 1 (steady) to 10 (overheated).
Notice early signs and intervene sooner. Build your own reset toolkit for when you hit a 6 or 7, not just when you’ve already crashed.
Redefine productivity (I wrote an entire piece on this here, here and here).
You’re not lazy if you need downtime to prevent collapse. You’re not failing if your brain demands recalibration. Downtime is data processing. Period.
Practice unapologetic boundaries.
You’re allowed to say, “I can’t hold this right now.”
Boundaries aren’t selfish, they’re how we prevent meltdowns, not just recover from them.
The Shame Is What Hurts the Most
We’re taught to hide our meltdowns. To apologize. To feel embarrassed about them.
But I’m done apologizing for having a nervous system that speaks louder than my logic sometimes.
I’m done apologizing for being me.
Meltdowns don’t mean I’m weak.
They mean I’ve been strong for too long without support or without the RIGHT support. There’s a difference there.
And the more we talk about this (in blog posts, in conversations, on shirts and mugs, and hats if we have to), the more we normalize something that has been pathologized for far too long.
So… I Made a Shirt. And a Mug.
Because sometimes you need to reclaim the narrative with a little dark humor and a splash of color. I like dark humor and ALL the color.
If you’ve ever scheduled your breakdown between work calls or held it together until you made it to the car, you’re not alone. You’re a system in need of a reset, not a scolding.
Check out the “Scheduled Meltdown” tee + mug here. (Kid/baby sizes, too!)
And if you’re reading this from the edge of your own capacity, maybe this is your sign to unschedule everything else for a while.
AI was used to generate the idea for this blog, written by me.
